I think it is fair to say, I have certainly had to hit the ground running this year! The shift from the relaxing summer to the full-steam-ahead college routine did leave me feeling exhausted after the first week back, but luckily, I think I have managed to readjust again.
The quick paced start to the year was not helped by the fact that I am applying to Oxford (scary!), so must have my UCAS application in by October! The past month has mainly consisted of continuous writing and rewriting of my personal statement. Trying to condense my life and passion into a mere forty-seven lines is a challenge that had me in tears several times (especially when people then tell you that many universities do not even look at them!). Balancing this task whilst also trying to keep up with the harder year 13 content has been a struggle. However, I do think that being an early applicant has been a blessing in disguise, as even though this past month has been tough,I have now already finished my UCAS application, meaning I can focus on purely my A-Levels for the rest of the year, whilst others are going to be stressing right up until January!
I tell you what though, it does feel like a bit of an anticlimax sending my UCAS in. I’ve spent my whole school career preparing for it, and now it is done, I do feel relieved but also a bit helpless. I’ve sent it, and there is now nothing I can do but wait, and I find that a bit scary. But as always, I have many other things to occupy my mind, so I do not spiral with the previous thought.
As well as Sixth form, September has also been filled with rehearsals for…*drumroll please*…SIX The Musical! After a couple of rounds of auditions, I managed to land my dream role as Catherine Parr (the survivor, of course!). I have never done a musical before, so I did not quite know what to expect, but so far it has been incredible! Especially because SIX is an all-female cast, it has just felt like such a supportive environment, which I was really glad about, because whilst I can sing, my dancing abilities aren’t my strongest skill…but after going over the dancesa few times, the moves have started to stick, and I actually really like it. I have never really enjoyed exercise as I have gotten older, it just never appealed to me and always felt like a chore, however I do really enjoy dancing. Whenever I go on my ‘anti-going-mental’ walks now, I always have the SIX soundtrack blasting, going through the sequences as I walk. I must look insane, but to be honest, I have lost all sense of caring about what others think about me.
I am not sure what has triggered this shift in mindset. Don’t get me wrong, by no means have I ever been a shy person, but I have always had my hang-ups like most people do. Worrying about what I looked like, what I ate, what people thought of me, they were still in my mind even if most of the time I managed to push them further back. Recently however, something has changed, and I have just started to not worry about stuff like that anymore, and it feels amazing! I cannot think of a way to describe it other than a clearing of space in my brain, allowing random trivial thoughts to fill it in moments of silence, rather than inflows of critical thoughts about myself. It has been so freeing.
Maybe it has been because I have been quite proud of myself in the past couple of months. Getting my predicted grades back, being cast in SIX and shortlisted to the top 5 for this year’s BBC Young Writers Award, all of these things have just made me take a step back, and think, you know what, I am doing pretty well! So cut yourself some slack! The whole experience with the BBC Young Writers Award was incredible and it made me realise that I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. Maths? Politics? Writing? I do not care anymore (not to sound cheesy) as long as I am happy whilst doing it!
